We all heard A-Rod explain during the press conference that it was his cousin who told him about “Boli,” procured the banned substance for him and injected him with it.
“What’s the cousin’s name?” asked George King of the Post.
The manhunt was on.
As of this writing, none of the crack journalists from SI, ESPN or the New York papers have found the cousin and have not, therefore, been able to verify A-Rod’s story.
The experts at these agencies haven’t had any luck, either.
Which has left the job to the She-Fan Detective Agency of Santa Barbara, California. My staff and I have been toiling into the wee hours, and while we haven’t located our man yet, we do have “persons of interest” in the case. I’d like to share them now in the hope that someone will come forward with valuable information.
Please look closely. Have you seen Alex Rodriguez at any time with one of the following?
Pedro Rodriguez. The Dominican born U.S. citizen lives in Paterson, New Jersey, and is Operations Manager at Sprint Nextel Communications. He is married with three boys and is said to harbor a passion for baseball.
Ramon “Mone” Rodriguez. Originally from Puerto Rico, he grew up on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, went to college at NYU and earned a degree in sports management. He later became an actor and has appeared on such TV crime shows as “The Wire.”
Carlos Rodriguez. A self-described “typical Argentine gym rat,” he played on the men’s professional tennis tour until moving to Belgium and becoming the coach, trainer and health and fitness guru of former #1 player Justin Henin.
Armando “Manny” Rodriguez. Born in Havana, Cuba, he graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in Chemical Engineering. He is currently VP, Global Sales and Marketing of DuPont-Sabanci International, headquartered in Wilmington, Delaware.
Sergio Rodriguez. Born in Tenerife, Canary Islands, he is a professional athlete who plays in the NBA for the Portland Trail Blazers and goes by the nickname “Spanish Chocolate.”
Again, if you have information on any of these “persons of interest,” contact the She-Fan Detective Agency. We’re eager to close the case and move on to baseball. Thank you.