December 2009

Another Year Bites the Dust

It was a very good year to be a Yankee fan. Now it’s time to bid 2009 farewell and usher in 2010. I’ll be checking in with the blog over the next few days, but in the meantime HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY! Have fun. Be safe. And let me know if the Yankees sign a left fielder while I’m not paying attention.
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While I Wait for the Yankees to Sign a Left Fielder…

My grandmother used to say, “A watched pot never boils.”
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Actually, the water does boil, even if you stand there watching the pot, but the idea is to stop hovering while you’re waiting for something to happen and just let it be. So that’s my new strategy regarding the Yankees. I’m going to stop reading everybody’s opinions about who should play left field and just let the situation play out. Jason Bay is out of the picture. Matt Holliday is probably out of the picture. Boras wants more for Damon than the Yankees want to spend. Nady has had two Tommy John surgeries. And Reed Johnson, Scott Posednik and Jonny Gomes don’t inspire blog posts. Brett Gardner could still get the job, but didn’t I just say I was through speculating? Enough about this subject! I’m done, I tell you. When the Yankees have something to announce, I’ll write about it then. But there will be a moratorium on all discussion of who will play left field in 2010 starting RIGHT NOW!

Instead, has everybody seen this mashup of the top ten songs of 2009? I don’t hear/see “Empire State of Mind” anywhere, but maybe I’m missing something? I need the interlocking N-Y or I’m not happy.

Cashman’s Penalty For Not Signing A Left Fielder Yet

While I was in Tampa dancing with Hal Steinbrenner and cheering on the Yankees pitchers in their Chippendale’s debut, I got a tip that Brian Cashman was in town. Apparently, he’d been summoned by the “other brother.” I’m speaking, of course, of Hankenstein.
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Hank’s been keeping a low profile lately, but my sources told me he’s been incensed that Cashman hasn’t signed a left fielder yet. And now, with all signs pointing to DeRosa going to the Giants, Cash is really feeling Hank’s wrath. I went back to my hotel, fell asleep and had a horrible nightmare. As you can see below, I dreamed that Hank ate Cash – just swallowed him whole. I woke up hoping for Cash’s sake that we have a new Yankee in LF by New Year’s Day. I really don’t want to lose our GM just because Hank is hungry.

After I Left Hal, I Met Up With Joe

If you read last night’s post, you know that Hal Steinbrenner gave me quite a workout on the dance floor after I chased all over Tampa to find him. It was worth the trip just to hear him say he wouldn’t let Yankee fans down and would instruct Cashman to find us a new left fielder….
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…or bring back the one we already had.
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I was getting ready to call it a night when Hal said, “She-Fan, you can’t leave town without seeing what Girardi is doing to promote chemistry among the starting pitchers.”
“Has he sent them all to the pool hall again?” I asked, remembering Joe’s bonding efforts from spring training last year. 
“No,” said Hal in that deadpan tone of his. He’s an incredible dancer, but he doesn’t show much emotion. I don’t think he smiled all night.
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Anyhow, he was very insistent that I take a taxi to another location in Tampa (he wrote the address down on a cocktail napkin and handed it to me) and ask for Girardi. I couldn’t say no. So off I went into the dark of night.
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We drove through some interesting neighborhoods and I kept wondering what Joe could possibly be doing with the Yankees’ starting five at such a late hour. Finally, the cab pulled up to yet another club. I was shocked when I entered and saw them.
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Seriously. Chippendales? Joe Girardi? I couldn’t imagine what he was up to, but there he was, waiting for me. Apparently, Hal had called ahead and told him I was coming. He was all dressed up to greet me.
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“Hi, Joe,” I said. “I’m sure you know what you’re doing, since you won the World Series and all. But team building at Chippendale’s?”
He laughed. “It does sound crazy, but I think it’ll bring the guys in our rotation closer together.”
“What will? I still don’t understand.”
“Follow me, She-Fan. I’ve got a corner table reserved just for you.”
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“Sweet.” I sat down and Joe joined me. “So the Yankees pitchers are here?” I asked.
“You bet.”
“Are they working in the kitchen? At the bar? I still don’t -“
“Keep your eyes on the stage,” he said. “And then tell me this rotation doesn’t have chemistry.”
The lights dimmed and the music started. And here’s what happened next.
When the show was over, Joe explained that Phil Hughes was too shy to participate.
“Does that mean he’ll start the season in the bullpen?” I asked.
“It might,” said the Yankees skipper.

My Saturday Night Fever With Hal

As I sat here in Santa Barbara, wondering if/when the Yankees would announce who will play left field, I decided to stop reading other blogs and go straight to the source. No, I’m not referring to Cashman. He’s only the GM. I figured I should talk to the man with the real power – the guy who controls the payroll. So I hopped on a plane (it wasn’t easy, given all the new security restrictions) and headed for Tampa.
“Do you know where I might find Hal Steinbrenner?” I asked my cab driver after arriving at the airport in Florida.
“Sure,” he said. “On Saturday nights he’s always at the Kit Kat Club.
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“Really?” I said. “What sort of place is that?”
“A disco club,” he replied. “Everybody in Tampa knows how much that boy loves to dance.”
“Great,” I said. “Take me there, please.”
Within minutes, we pulled up to the club and I went inside.
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The scene was very high energy. I searched everywhere for Hal and – success! – there he was at a table for one, sipping a scotch and looking like he was dying to get up on the floor and shake it.
“Hi, Mr. Steinbrenner,” I said. “I’m She-Fan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I have a Yankees blog.”
“Of course,” he said, offering me a chair. “You’re the one who does crazy videos making fun of the greatest franchise in sports.”
“Well,” I said, blushing, “I also write about how much I love the Yankees. In fact, that’s why I’m here. We really need a left fielder, Mr. Steinbrenner.”
“Call me Hal.”
“OK, Hal. Listen, I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for the way you re-signed Andy and brought Granderson over from Detroit. I’m not so sure about Nick Johnson and Javy Vazquez, but let’s concentrate on the left field problem.”
“Problem? We have options. Have you forgotten about Brett Gardner?”
“Have you forgotten he’s not much with the bat?”
He took a few swallows of his scotch.
“You could re-consider Damon,” I pressed on. “Or go after Bay or Holliday. Just don’t settle for Reed Johnson, no offense to him. We’re the Yankees. We need an outstanding, top quality player out there.”
He considered my pitch for several minutes. And then he smiled broadly. “Don’t worry, She-Fan. I’ll call Cash in the morning and tell him what you said. We’ll find somebody. You won’t be disappointed.”
“Promise?”
“Swear. Now let’s dance.”
And so we did.

A TMZ Christmas

Since there weren’t any Yankees making news over the holiday, I had way too much time on my hands. I found myself musing about Randy Quaid, who, after being arrested in Texas, showed up at a hearing here in Santa Barbara this week. He and his wife are accused of skipping out on the $10,000 tab they ran up at the San Ysidro Ranch, a resort near my house. Mug shots are so unflattering, aren’t they?
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Charlie Sheen got into a little scrape while vacationing in Aspen.
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At least the media let the Tiger Woods story die (wishful thinking).
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No, I promise this blog isn’t going all tabloid. The above items are just an excuse to post the following celebrity look-alike pics a friend sent me today. Enjoy and hope you had a Merry Christmas.
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Have a She-Fan Yankees Christmas!

From me to you. Merry Merry!

I Drank The Kool-Aid

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At first, I was upset about the Vazquez-Melky deal. (Yes, I know. We got Boone Logan too. I can’t wait for the crowd at the Stadium to go, “Boooooone,” if he should happen to strike out a batter.) I had nightmarish visions of Javy’s 2004 meltdown. I remembered how glad I was when we unloaded him. And, of course, I thought about the memorable moments Melky brought to the team. But then I read the comments here and on other blogs and realized maybe Cashman knew what he was doing.
The pros on trading for Javy:
* He strikes people out.
* He eats innings.
* He regressed in ’04 because he had arm trouble.
* He’ll be the #4 starter, not an ace, so expectations won’t be as high.
* He has a one-year deal.
The pros on trading away Melky:
* He’s a streaky hitter.
* He’s got a decent but not always accurate arm.
* He’s a below-average base runner.
* He was never going to be the next Bernie Williams.
So now that Cashman has taken two trips down memory lane, given the signings of Nick Johnson as well as Vazquez, I wondered who else he might be looking at from the old days. We don’t need another starter, but these guys are available for a return engagement if necessary:
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Oh, and Brad Halsey, another one of Vazquez’s former teammates, has been playing for the Long Island Ducks. He’d probably be willing to come back. Unfortunately, Esteban Loiaiza, Jon Lieber, Kevin Brown, Felix Heredia and Steve Karsay are off the radar.
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What the Yankees really need, however, is a left fielder – now more than ever with the loss of Melky. Cashman told the beat writers today that he would continue to look for the missing piece but that it wouldn’t be “a big piece.” Was he ruling out expensive types like Holliday, Bay and Damon? If so, we might be taking another trip down memory lane.
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Bubba Crosby, Tony Womack, Terrence Long and Kenny Lofton are all retired. So is Ruben Sierra. Bronson Sardinha is around. And Kevin Thompson would surely give up his stint with the Fort Worth Cats to return to the Bronx. But here’s the guy I’ve targeted for a comeback. 
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Well? He never officially retired. He’d probably sign for whatever Cashman is willing to pay him. And he can play the outfield AND the National Anthem. Talk about a deal.

While I Was Waiting For The Yankees To Sign A Pitcher….

…I went to a screening of “Sherlock Holmes” tonight. The movie itself was great (more on that in a second), but getting inside the theater was an ordeal. Warner Brothers is so paranoid that somebody will record the film and spread pirated copies all over the place that they sent black suited goons not only to confiscate our cellphones but give us the wand treatment in the lobby. It felt like going through security at an airport.
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While the security woman was fishing around in my bag, pulling out all my personal stuff, she found the She-Fan Cam and said, “What’s this doing here?” Oops. I do take the Cam wherever I go in case I run into a baseball fan, but I had no intention of shooting footage of the movie. “It’s just a little video camera for my Yankees blog,” I told her. She gave me a nasty look (maybe she was an Angels fan) and said, “Get rid of it. Now.” So I had to leave the theater, walk back to my car, deposit the She-Fan Cam there, walk back to the theater, and go through security yet again. The good news is that “Sherlock Holmes” was worth the trouble. Written and directed by Guy Ritchie, Madonna’s ex before A-Rod was her ex, the movie is a fast-paced, high-energy romp. Robert Downey Jr. is terrific as Holmes and Jude Law is fun as his sidekick, Watson. The fight scenes are bloody but hilarious. My only complaint was the length of the movie – it’s 20 minutes too long – but I give it one thumb up.
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Here’s the trailer. I hope Warner Bros doesn’t arrest me for pulling it off YouTube. Sheesh.
As soon as I left the theater, I checked my cellphone for Yankees updates, wondering if we’d signed anybody. All I found was LoHud’s post about a possible trade with the Braves for either Derek Lowe (yes, that rumor again) or Javier Vazquez. Excuse me? Javier Vazquez?


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It’s one thing to bring back Nick Johnson, but Vazquez was a bust as a Yankee. It’s late and I’m going to bed, but if I wake up tomorrow morning and Vazquez is our #4 pitcher I won’t be happy about it.

Damon’s Coming Back to the Yankees!

Brian Cashman doesn’t even know this yet.
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Scott Boras doesn’t know it either.
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But I just met with Damon at an Orlando cafeteria, and he’s agreed to suck it up and put the pinstripes back on. I know there are some fans who weren’t sorry to see him go, but I haven’t forgotten his two stolen bases in the World Series or his liners into Damon’s Deck or the way he acknowledges the Bleacher Creatures during the roll call.
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He’s a gamer. And our lineup will be better with him in it. Why did he decide to return to the team? Here’s our conversation.
I was only trying to help. If for some reason, Cashman made a deal for Holliday without telling anybody, we’ll have waaaay too many outfielders. But let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.
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