Five Ways To Rehabilitate Joba

joba_reaction.jpg
Joba lasted his usual three innings in Sunday’s 7-1 loss to the Mariners, and they weren’t pretty: seven earned runs on six hits, including a three-run dinger to Griffey. The Yankees couldn’t muster any offense, either; only Tex had a pulse. The bright spot was Mitre, who threw five scoreless innings in relief.
So what’s the real reason Joba has baffled everybody with his ineffectiveness this year? Could it be that he never pitched a full season in Triple A? That he shouldn’t have been moved from the pen to the rotation? That the Joba Rules messed with his mind? That he’s injured and not telling anyone?
All of the above are plausible answers, but I’ve come up with some other possibilities that, if implemented, could salvage his season. Here we go.
#1) Joba Should Take Back His Birth Name.
As everyone knows by now, his little niece couldn’t pronounce his real name, Justin, and the nickname “Joba” stuck. But pitchers named Justin do extremely well in baseball, as in this guy. Change it back.
Justin Verlander_001.jpg
#2) The Yankees should put Harlan Chamberlain, Joba’s father, on the payroll.
Joba went home to Nebraska during the All-Star break and pitched great when he first returned to the team. Whatever Harlan said or did worked miracles. Make Harlan an “advisor” and let him coach his son. He’d be better than Dave Eiland.
jobaharlan.jpg
#3) Joba Should Hang Out With Roger Clemens.
No, really. When Clemens was with the Yankees in ’07, he mentored Joba and preached throwing strikes, being aggressive, attacking the zone. Whether the Rocket also taught him about Icy Hot liniment treatments I couldn’t tell you, but what harm could they do?
IcyHot_.jpg
#4) The YES Network should produce a “Yankeeography” about Joba.
I realize that Yankeeographies are reserved for players who’ve been been with the team awhile, not to mention excelled as Yankees, but it would give Joba confidence to know that the organization still believes in him, despite his suckitude.
yankeeography.jpg
#5) Joba should come over to my house while he’s in SoCal.
He won’t be pitching in the Angels series. He’ll have plenty of time on his hands. He should get in his rental car, drive up to Santa Barbara and let me explain the facts of life to him over a nice home-cooked meal. And then I’ll pop in the DVD of “Bull Durham” and make him watch the scene between Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) and Nuke LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) that goes like this.
bulldurham.jpg.gif
Crash: “You’ve got a gift. When you were a baby, the gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You’ve got a Hall of Fame arm, but you’re pissing it away.”
Nuke: “I ain’t pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already. I got a 911 with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.”
Crash: “You don’t need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt. What you need is a curveball. In the show, everybody can hit a fastball.”
Nuke: “Well, how would you know? You’ve been in the majors?”
Crash: “Yeah, I’ve been in the majors. I was in the show for 21 days once – the 21 greatest days of my life. You never handle your luggage in the show. Somebody else carries your bags. You get white balls for batting practice. The ballparks are like cathedrals. The hotels all have room service. The women all have long legs and brains.”
Nuke: “They’re really hot, huh?”
Crash: “Yeah, and so are the pitchers. They throw ungodly breaking stuff in the show – exploding sliders. You could be one of those guys.”
I hope Joba takes me up on my offer. There are lessons to be learned from baseball movies, whether you’re a pitcher named Nuke LaLoosh or Joba Chamberlain.
bulldurham.jpg

39 Comments

My vote is for #5. I have a feeling you can knock sense into Joba better than anyone else can, Jane. You’ve got the point of view of the fans to help you make your case! LOL. This whole situation is frustrating though… I think my most recent entry relays my feelings well. Ugh. I just want to take Joba… er, Justin, and beat him like a red-headed stepchild!!!

- Lisa
http://perennialpinstriper.mlblogs.com/

Jane , We Need Pitching. Are you amazed we got this far ? I am. We cant win on Run production alone. Gaudin? Mitre? Shall i add Burnett to this sad state of affairs. Come on Yanks, Don’t make my october a dud.

Are you kidding me girl? I hope to God Joba takes you up on your offer!!!! How fun would that be???

What do you think the impact of putting Joba’s Pop on the payroll would do to his game!!!!

Buz – http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

I appreciate your faith in me, Lisa! Maybe I need to drive down to Anaheim, kidnap Joba and drag him back home with me, if that’s what it takes. He’s so talented that I just can’t stand to see him struggle the way he is.

I’m not amazed, Brendan, because the pitching has carried us to first place, in spite of losing Wang for the season. Am I concerned now that Joba hasn’t worked out and that Andy’s shoulder is iffy? You bet. Gaudin has been better than I expected and Mitre was great today. But I can’t picture either in the postseason. Shudder.

I’m not sure how much fun it would be to give Joba a lecture in the “Bull Durham” mode, Buz. But someone needs to do something to help him. I wasn’t kidding about having his father around though. They’re very close.

We may become infuriated when Joba pitches so lousy, but what I find even more infuriating, is when we continually have to listen to him go through his typical denial thing after a bad outing, where he won’t honestly admit that he was ineffective. Not only does he deny it, he lavishes praise on himself! Joba apparently doesn’t have a “confidence” problem as the following, taken from Pete Abe’s, will show us:

“My delivery was great,” he said. “I threw some great changeups. My slider velocity was great. My fastball velocity was more consistent. … It’s going to take a lot more than this to get my confidence level down, I’ll tell you that much. You can kick me as much as you want but I’m going to come back fighting every time. That’s how I live this life and that’s how I play this game of baseball.”

Chamberlain was asked whether he was concerned with how he has pitched lately.

“I’m fine, man,” he said. “I’m fine.”

on behalf of all Yankee fans i’d like to say.. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!
do the Yankees think they’ve already wrapped up the AL East?!! or home field advantage?!! the elimination number for both is stuck at 9

firstly, i think Girardi and company really need to access Joba’s role in the playoffs – maybe a middle reliever if Joba can put his collective suckiness into one inning of a terrific wall of pitching like two years ago;

secondly, i think Girardi should start trying Ian Kennedy out; perhaps two innings this week against the Angels somewhere; maybe Kennedy can take Aceves’ role as long reliever

thirdly, perhaps the Yankees should consider having Aceves as the fourth starter

fourthly, i hope this current slump is a prelude to getting hot by the time of or just before the playoffs

I’m really surprised that Joba has been as bad as he’s been this year. I’m starting to think that he might not even make the playoff roster. He needs to see “Raging Bull” since it seems like the dude has a glass jaw! If the playoffs go badly because of pitching then I think that not picking up another pitcher at the deadline and Wang getting injured will be the things most regretted. We might need to go with a three man staff in the playoffs. If we’re down 2-1 in any of these series then you know that CC is going to get the ball on three days rest. As far as this tough week is concerned, the Yanks need to split the 6 games with the Angels and Sox. If they do that then they will wrap up the division and home field for certain. At least they’ll clinch the wild card and after last year with missing the playoffs altogether that’s a great thing.

I would go with #5 Jane. That way you can plead your case, and really tell Joba “what he should and shouldn’t do, from a fan’s view.” It is a great way to tell the guy what’s up.

Or he should hang with Clemens, maybe that Icy hot stuff really works? Niiicccee!! Go Joba.

Ted – http://tribewithted.mlblogs.com/

“Suckitude” Hee hee.
I went into a long rant about what the Yankees are doing to this kid. (What they’re doing would be classified as destroying him.)
http://princeofny.blogspot.com/

You promised two 2 of 3′s on your coast. (wins not losses) You now must deliver a sweep of the Angels. Do your thing She Fan! Joba has become a legend in his own mind. To bad Minor League seasons are over. He could use a trip to Scranton!

I agree with Paul – Joba has become a legend in his own mind. WTF? He always states he’s fine – is it denial or ego?

Sometimes when I see Sergio is going to pitch I don’t cringe as much as when I see Joba’s name. Now, that is bad!

We haven’t won a damn thing yet and with his help we may not.

Jane,
Joba is just at that crossroads that hit a pitcher who is 4th or 5th on his teams rotation this late in the season.
He is wondering what his role is in the playoffs and forgetting he still has some pitching to do to get there.
But, think about it. He is dreaming of the playoffs, and that is a great thing (wish I was).
The way he has been swapped back and forth in the beginning of the season from the Bullpen to the starters role, maybe the Deja Vu of it all is catching up to him as he might not have a spot in a short series rotation, and might be used in long relief for the first ALDS series.
One thing that Nuke had that Joba doesn’t have a spiritual guide like Anne Savoy.
Maybe we need to find him some center ground before he wants to breath through his eyes like the lava lizards.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Jane,
Joba is just at that crossroads that hit a pitcher who is 4th or 5th on his teams rotation this late in the season.
He is wondering what his role is in the playoffs and forgetting he still has some pitching to do to get there.
But, think about it. He is dreaming of the playoffs, and that is a great thing (wish I was).
The way he has been swapped back and forth in the beginning of the season from the Bullpen to the starters role, maybe the Deja Vu of it all is catching up to him as he might not have a spot in a short series rotation, and might be used in long relief for the first ALDS series.
One thing that Nuke had that Joba doesn’t have a spiritual guide like Anne Savoy.
Maybe we need to find him some center ground before he wants to breath through his eyes like the lava lizards.

Rays Renegade

http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

Jane, sorry for the double posting.
My laptop told me I had a Internal Error, so I posted it again.
My mind must be on Xerox and not memorex.

Rays Renegade

Oh Jane, I don’t know what to think about Joba. Maybe the rules should have been for him not to pitch on Thursdays in September; then he’d be done already. Trying to be funny but its not really so. We just have to pick up and move on from here. Andy and Gaudin pitch next – I know its against a team we find hard to beat but these guys have to grow a pair now and start winning again. Boston has been coming on very strong of late and we can’t let them get any closer to us than they are now.

In a story related to the NY-Boston — those of us who are Jets fans can be very proud of what they did to The Patriots yesterday. And the Giants won so it was a relatively good day for NY fans…and the Yankees will come back tonight so we can smile again.

Jane – I vote for #5 – I have faith in you.. And if all else fails, you can always have him try the garter belt…….Good luck to Andy tonight!

Interesting enough one of our best pitchers last year Billingsley has been pitching horribly as well. He admits he has a problem but he’s not sure what it is. Joba won’t admit anything is wrong. Torre probably won’t let Bills pitch in the playoffs if he continues this way.
http://catlovesthedodgers.mlblogs.com

Bull Durham is my favorite baseball movie. I was lucky enough to meet Ron Shelton, the director at one of the games. What a fabulous guy. Robert Wuhl, one of the stars in Bull Durham, sits next to me whenever I sit in the Dugout section. Sitting next to them during a game is quite an experience. Jane, you woud have so much fun!
http://catlovesthedodgers.mlblogs.com

Bull Durham is my favorite baseball movie. I was lucky enough to meet Ron Shelton, the director at one of the games. What a fabulous guy. Robert Wuhl, one of the stars in Bull Durham, sits next to me whenever I sit in the Dugout section. Sitting next to them during a game is quite an experience. Jane, you woud have so much fun!
http://catlovesthedodgers.mlblogs.com

Bull Durham is my favorite baseball movie. I was lucky enough to meet Ron Shelton, the director at one of the games. What a fabulous guy. Robert Wuhl, one of the stars in Bull Durham, sits next to me whenever I sit in the Dugout section. Sitting next to them during a game is quite an experience. Jane, you woud have so much fun!
http://catlovesthedodgers.mlblogs.com

I am totally for the house call…smack him in the head and knock some sense into him! And if that doesn’t work, maybe we can change his name to Cy? :O)

Jenn
http://PhilliesPhollowers.MLBlogs.com/

I agree, however, please know that that isn’t Icy Hot in that container. It’s not Vitamin B-12 either. It’s a… well… er… it’s good, JUICY stuff.
–Jeff
http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/
http://mtrredstatebluestate.com

Ah, Jane…y’know, I’m tempted to agree with Jenn the Philly Fillie, who suggests a name change to…well…how about “Sigh,” since that’s what Joba makes me do almost ev’ry time out now…if not worse…you know, more than a month ago, I went by the local Toys R Us, spotted a Joba action figure, and thought “this would be fun to give to Ms. Jane!” But it didn’t quite make it out to Cali…maybe I shoulda sent it…or at least hung it from a tree in our yard to use as a pinata (hey, everyone in the AL has, right?!)…but really, I guess I should rescue it from the back of our van, and stash it somewhere else…maybe it’s all MY fault, and that will change his luck…and ours? Who knows…

Italianyankeefan, I can’t decide if Joba is in denial when he makes these post-game statements to the media or if he’s just trying to keep his confidence up. It would be awful if he kept saying, “I stink, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it right.” Then we’d say he’s sulking and being a quitter. So I don’t put much stock in his comments. He’s a kid. I’m more interested in how he pitches and how the Yankees plan to use him the rest of the way.

I’ve been thinking about the options too, levelboss, and I’d put Joba in the pen at this point – substitute him for Bruney, for example. Then I’d have him pitch a full season as a starter in Scranton. I’d put Aceves in his place in the rotation this year, with Mitre and Kennedy as possible long relievers.

I agree with you, len, about not picking up a starter when Wang went down. Nobody ever talks about what a huge loss that was. Andy was coming off a season when he struggled with an injury at the end, and Joba was an unknown quantity. It would have made sense to pick up a veteran arm as a #4 or 5 starter. But as you point out, getting back into the playoffs will be great after missing the action last year.

Another vote for #5, Ted. I guess that’s the favorite so far.

I’ve been reading your rants about what the Yankees are doing to Joba, Paul, and I agree with much of it. I also think some of the fault lies with Joba himself. There are players who seem resistant to coaching or just don’t get it or just don’t get it until they’re older. Not sure which of those he might be, if any.

I must deliver a sweep of the Angels, John? Can I renege right now? LOL. How about we take it one game at a time and I’ll do my best to “make” a win happen tonight.

That’s saying something when you cringe less at seeing Mitre’s name, mughill! I know what you mean though, and Sergio did a great job yesterday. At least he doesn’t walk batters and he’s had a couple of good outings in long relief lately.

I don’t agree that Joba’s problems are related to the playoffs, Renegade, or his uncertainty about his status for the postseason. He’s been pitching inconsistently all year long, with only the occasional good start, which makes him all the more frustrating! I do agree that he needs an Annie Savoy though. I was hoping his father could fill the “spiritual” void, but there’s nothing like a woman to get the job done!

Diane, at least you guys had a good football day yesterday! Hope you had a great anniversary too. Looking ahead to tonight’s game, I’m just hoping Andy feels OK. If his shoulder is healthy, I have no worries about him and will feel much better about the team’s prospects in the postseason. So fingers crossed that he’s over the “fatigue.”

Another vote for #5, ladyjane. It does seem that I’ll have to sit Joba down and deal with him on my own. Maybe I’ll dress him in that Wizard of Oz lion costume he wore after his rookie season. He was so good back then. Sigh.

Sorry to hear you’ve been having similar problems with Billingsgley, Cat. It’s SO maddening when you’ve got a guy with so much talent and yet nothing is working. I’d love to sit with Shelton at a game and recite all my favorite lines from his movie. Apparently, he’s got a place in Santa Barbara. Everybody here seems to know him.

So you’re voting for #5 AND #1, Jenn. Well, #1 with a slight variation. LOL.

I’m thinking of trying Icy Hot, Jeff. My muscles get sore after a day of blogging!

Dave, I think you should take that Joba action figure and bury it in your backyard. That’s what people do with figures of St. Joseph when they’re having trouble selling their houses. Maybe the same principle will help the Yankees. Try it!

Well, that’s certainly an original thought. Hopefully, the Bombers don’t sell Joba just yet, though…I’m trying to de-stress after a wildly up-n-down sports weekend…hey, Diane, I KNOW you can relate (and belated Happy Anniv, too)…Yanks were the best & worst at the same time…my son’s Hokies pulled out a miracle vs. Nebraska, while all of Washington was embarrassed by WINNING a football game (the Yanks scored more runs on Saturday that the Washingtn team did on Sunday…not a typo…that’s Washington without any O)…fans actuallly booed the Redskins after they WON…may that never ever happen to the Bombers…so I’ll put Joba to rest tonight, and we’ll see…

Jane: Maybe Joba should borrow some of Roger’s roids. It worked. Nah, that’s no good. I guess I’ll go with option #5 then.
Can I hear you say this?: “Sergio Mitre pitched extremely well yesterday. 5 innings of 1-hit ball in relief. Wow that is incredible. Maybe we have all been to hard on the poor guy. After all, he is coming off major surgery, and we have seen the dominance he is capable of. I think I will be nice to Sergio from now on, and make a conversation of he and his girlfriend Virginia talking with each other.”
Do you think you can say that? And do that last thing ther for me? I hope the Yankees win tonight. I’m getting a little worried now. I’ll post something when I get home from school.
-Virginia
http://southernbelle.mlblogs.com

No, Dave. No booing like that for the Yanks. Please no! And yes, do bury Joba in your yard and see what happens. If the Yankees go on a winning streak, it’ll be all your doing.

I did say Mitre pitched well, Virginia! He was the only bright spot yesterday. I think he’ll make the postseason roster as a long reliever if he continues to pitch well, but he’s lost his spot in the starting rotation to Gaudin. At least for now.

Gosh, if mentoring by a strong veteran presence were the only thing Joba needed, you would think he would pick up a thing or two from watching C.C.-Erinhttp://plunking-gomez.blogspot.com

Okay so I need some clarification, cause I was told it was his cousins name she couldn’t say(her brother), which was Joshua and his dad heard her and thought it would be a cool nick name for Justin..now Joba… anyway point at hand, I’m thinking #5 is your best bet, cause you can always lock him in the closet if he’s awkward, still problem solved….
~peter
Outside the Phillies Looking In
http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

Good point, Erin. But Clemens was a whole different character than CC, and I think Joba liked the gunslinger role.

Nope, it was definitely Justin, not Joshua, Peter. LOL though. Maybe you found that on Wikipedia. Haha. Locking him in the closet would work if my attempt at conversation fails. Will let you know. :)

Jane,
I too like #5 and LadyJane’s suggestion of the garter belt :-). I collect baseball movies and that is one of my favorites. A few years back during Spring Training, ESPN asked several players what their favorite line was from a sport movie was. Jason Varitek recited from memory the part that starts with “I believe in the soul. The….”
Emma
http://crzblue.mlblogs.com/

Dave, I can totally relate. Thanks to you and Jane for the kind anniversary wishes – it was a good weekend for us even though we did have to deal with the Joba meltdown. Maybe he can do that thing where he wears the garterbelt thing to get him to stop thinking so much. LOL.

You haven’t come up with any new songs lately, Dave. If I come up with any ideas I’ll let you know.

Emma, I was going to post the actual video clip of either the “I believe” scene from “Bull Durham” or the one I transcribed, but the language would have been censored so I did my best. LOL!

I guess I’d better look into the garter belt idea, Diane, since ladyjane brought it up and others have liked it!

Gosh Jane, I’m watching the Halos belt the ball all over the park on Andy… : (

Buz http://buzblog.mlblogs.com/

I would just put him in the pen and quit playing games with the guy. heck, he’s only pitching three innings anyway!
http://clevelandbaseball.mlblogs.com/

I’m not panicking yet, Buz. Andy just had a 1-2-3. It’s still 2-0!

I think that’s what will happen, 09indians, although he’s scheduled to make his next start against Boston.

Jane, that was a good blog! I like your idea of changing his name back to Justin! Seriously though, Joba needs help. and fast. I wrote about him in my blog this week, I hope you have to chance to check it out. Take care!
http://martelli.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/09/edition-12.html

I did check out your blog, A.J., and it’s great. Thanks for alerting me to it. Joba does need help, especially since Girardi announced that he’ll be making his next start against Boston this weekend.

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