Mark Teixeira’s Press Conference – Before It Happens

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The newest Yankee won’t be introduced to the media until 1 p.m. Eastern, but I already know the drill.
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A Yankees person, probably media relations director Jason Zillo, will present Mrs. Teixeira – Leigh – with a dozen long-stemmed roses. 
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(She’s the brunette.)
Cashman will gush about Tex while looking oddly detached.
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Hal will be present but not say a word.
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Girardi will drape Tex in his new pinstriped jersey.
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Tex will model the jersey and try not to be blinded by all the flashbulbs.
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And now the Q&A. Here’s how I think it will go.
“Hey, Mark. Pete Abraham from the Journal News. How does it feel to be a Yankee?”
“Incredible. I’m still pinching myself. I grew up idolizing Don Mattingly, so I always wanted to play for the Yankees.”
“Hi, Mark. Tyler Kepner from the New York Times. You turned down a substantial offer from the Red Sox. Was there some bad feeling on your part from your dealings with them in the past?”
“Not at all. Not at all. They’re a great organization. I have nothing but respect for them and I’m looking forward to being part of the awesome rivalry.”
“Hey, Mark. Mark Feinsand from the Daily News. You’re from the DC/Baltimore area. Did you give serious thought to playing in front of a home crowd with either the O’s or the Nationals?”
“I did, but the Yankees are winners, with so much history and tradition. I want to help us win more championships.”
George King. New York Post. Talk about the pressure of playing in New York, Mark. The big contract. The new stadium. A crowd of 55,000 people booing you if you get off to a slow start. Any of that worry you?”
“I put more pressure on myself than anyone else could ever put on me. So no. I’m not worried. From what I’ve seen, Yankee fans are the best fans in baseball.”
George King with a follow up. A source told me you and Alex Rodriquez hate each other’s guts from your Texas Rangers days. True?”
“Um, I don’t know where that rumor came from. I have tremendous respect for Alex and the way he plays the game. I’m really looking forward to being his teammate.”
George King again. Another source told me you read books in your spare time. That’s kind of weird for a ballplayer.”
“I don’t read books. I hunt and fish and hit golf balls. No books.”
“Then what about this poster?”
George holds up the evidence for everyone to see.
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There’s an audible gasp in the room. More flashbulbs. Mark is caught in his first lie as a Yankee.
“O.K. So I read one stupid book before it even came out. It was right after I signed with the Yankees. I wanted to find out what the fans here are really like.”
“Hello, Mark. John Sterling, the voice of the Yankees on WCBS. Was the book Jane Heller’s ‘Confessions of a She-Fan,’ by any chance? I heard I’m the hero of it.”
“Yeah, that’s it. You’re not the hero, but you have a bunch of scenes. Like that dinner where you let her try on your World Series rings. Oh, and when you said you never ever go to the bathroom during the games. LOL, John. Seriously.”
Jason Zillo steps to the podium. “Thanks, everybody. That’s all for today.”

21 Comments

Thank you Jane! I thought I was going to have to change my hairdressers appointment to see the press conference, but now I’m all set.

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

The Yankees really should sign you to give the abridge version so that the rest of us a chance to read what happened and then we can go back to work so we can afford tickets to see the Yankee’s play in their new stadium.

COB
http://cobf.mlblogs.com

Hi, Jane …

I’ll be watching the Mark Teixeira Press Conference at 1:00 p.m. [EST] today on the Yes Network; but, I do think you covered just about every question that will be asked … I wonder if the Yankees will also have Kanekoa Texeira at the press conference … He’s the minor league pitcher the Yankees brought to New York with Nick Swisher from the White Sox … As I recall, I don’t think the Yankees ever gave Kanekoa a proper introduction to the fans and media … I guess the extra “i” in Mark Teixeira’s name, plus about $180 Million, makes all the difference in the world between who gets a press conference, and who doesn’t !!! … Oh, well, there isn’t an “i” in the word “team” either, and that’s what it will take for the Yankees to win this year, “a team effort” … But, Mark Teixeira will be a “major” part of the Yankees winning it all in 2009 … Go Yankees !!! Jimmy [27NYY], “BY&L” … http://baseballtheyankeesandlife.mlblogs.com/

Haha, funny post, and probably 90% accurate too. 😉

Greg
Red Sox Ramblings: http://thevendahhh.mlblogs.com

That was hilarious.

That was really funny! Great questions too!! I hope the real press conference is as good as this one!!
http://kaybee.mlblogs.com

No need to change your hair appt, Julia. I guarantee it will all go as I’ve written (minus that last bit).

Excellent idea, COB. I could write the Cliffs Notes editions for every game and every press conference, so nobody would have to watch the whole thing. What a time saver, huh?

Jimmy, I totally forgot about the “other Tex.” LOL. You make a good point though. Why hasn’t there been a press conference for him or Swisher? (Well, Swisher had a phone conference with the beat writers. That doesn’t count.) I guess you only get the full treatment if you make over a certain amount in salary. I hope it all goes well today for “the real Tex” and he handles all the hoopla very well.

Thanks, Greg. I just don’t foresee any shocking revelations coming out of this event today.

Thanks, Gangsta. I’ll be checking to see how you guys write up the press conference.

Thanks, Kaybee. I’m pretty sure everybody will play their part just as I’ve described it.

Of course, if I were asking the questions, I’d want to know how Tex plans to invest his money. (Stock market? CDs? Bonds? Real estate? Under the mattress?)

That was hilarious. If it really went JUST like that, my life would almost be complete. 🙂
Jen
http://ajroxmywhitesox.mlblogs.com

I will be shocked if it doesn’t go exactly the way you wrote it. Absolutely perfect prediction.
http://themax.mlblogs.com

It might go just like that, Jen. You never know.

We’ll know in a few minutes how accurate my prediction was, maxguys. If I even got one thing right, I’ll take credit!

She-Fan,

Seriously, here’s your blurb:

“…. Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh book…!” — John Sterling —

el duque

Uh, sorry to be so one-track-minded, but can you get me Leigh’s number too? It’s cold here in Chicago. Thanks in advance.
–Jeff
http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/

I should’ve skipped school to see this, no such luck though! I’m going to watch the recap later and if it doesn’t go like you said, I’ll be surprised lol.
I remember when I was a pitcher for my softball team, it was so tough mentally. So now I really understand what pitchers go through, and that’s why I have so much faith in Clay Buchholz. I hated pitching so much though, I couldn’t handle the mental toughness of it all I suppose… I’m more of a writer🙂.
-Elizabeth
http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

Yeah that’s about right Jane, way to nail it down and save the masses with the abridged version! All this hoopla I can’t wait till the all-star break and see how the Yanks are doing and if not so good if the pressers will be as fun and bubbly.
tom
http://rockymountainway.mlblogs.com

for you Jane.. Mayor Bloomberg of NYC gave up his luxury box, because New York is in financial trouble..

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/28527636/

Most excellent! And, here I thought I’d missed the press conference. Thanks for the pre-cap!

I listened to the press conference and you pretty much nailed it. I particularly loved the inclusion fo George King and his “sources.” Classic.

J-Boogie

http://boogiedownbaseball.blogspot.com

I laughed when Jason Zillo introduced John Sterling, duque. I thought maybe my prediction was really coming true.

Jeff! You cad. I thought you had a girlfriend.

It didn’t go exactly as I said, Elizabeth, but there were definite similarities. I’ll be posting about that in a sec.

I couldn’t believe how fun and bubbly the reporters were, Tom. Not one hardball question!

Thanks for the link, levelboss. But if Mayor Bloomberg is so worried about NY’s economic crisis, what’s he doing in Israel?

A “pre-cap.” What a great term, Kathy. May I steal it?

I wish George King had asked a question, J-Boogie. We might have had some fireworks.

I do, but who’s telling (jk… if she sees this she’ll kill me)
–Jeff
http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/

Quality work. Hope you guys enjoy the very quality first baseman.

http://grantmc.mlblogs.com

I’m enjoying him already, grantmc. He said he thinks he can only get better as a player. I have a feeling he’s right. Hope so anyway.

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