What Happens in Vegas Won’t Stay in Vegas

Not with the media trolling the Strip for even mildly juicy tidbits from the winter meetings.

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But first we’ll be treated to yet another episode in the longest running soap opera since “As the World Turns.” The story line: Will Sabathia sign with the Yankees or shun New York?
According to the bloggiest of the bloggers, Peter Abraham, Cashman’s meeting with Cee Cee (I’m bored with the initials) is Sunday. Here’s my scenario for how it goes down.
They do lunch. Cee Cee won’t make his decision, so Cashman suggests dinner. Cee Cee still can’t decide, so Cashman suggests a night on the town – anything to keep the dialogue open and get this deal done already.
“What’s your pleasure?” Cash asks.
“Slots,” Cee Cee answers.
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They work the machines at the Bellagio. Still no decision.
“Poker,” Cee Cee insists.
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They play a few hands. Nothing. Cee Cee drags Cashman to the Black Jack table.
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Still nothing.
“What about a show?” Cash says, trying not to look as exhausted as he’s beginning to feel. He’s on east coast time, after all.
“Cool,” says Cee Cee. “I hear Bette Midler’s naughty.”
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They head to Caesar’s Palace, where Cashman shells out a fortune for front row seats. Midway through Bette’s first number, Cee Cee leans over and says, “I wanna see the Blue Man.” Cashman sighs and they move on to the Venetian.
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Again, the Yankees GM spends big bucks to insure the best seats for his elusive free agent. Cee Cee seems to enjoy himself, but then nudges Cashman. “Too artsy. How about Donny and Marie.” Cash rolls his eyes, finding Cee Cee’s tastes difficult to anticipate, but off to the Flamingo they go.

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“Boring,” the pitcher announces about five minutes into the set. “What about Barry Manilow.” 
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They arrive at the Hilton just in time for “Mandy,” a song Cashman detests. His patience – and his budget – is running out. “We good now?” he asks, hoping Cee Cee will finally agree to join the Yankees’ rotation. Instead, Sabathia shakes his head. “David Copperfield. He’s at the MGM Grand.”
Cashman thinks about choking Cee Cee, but his hands are much too small. He’s frustrated and who wouldn’t be? He’s had it with the bowing and scraping. Enough is enough.
“David Copperfield,” Cee Cee says again, tugging on Cashman’s sleeve.
Suddenly, a light bulb goes on inside Cash’s head. Forget the magician. There’s a guy on the Strip who hypnotizes people and gets them to do whatever he says.
“I know an even better act,” he tells Cee Cee. “We’re going to Hooters to see Gerry McCambridge, ‘The Mentalist.'”
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Once inside Hooters, Cashman excuses himself and sneaks backstage. He slips McCambridge a wad of bills, all the money he has left, and explains exactly what he needs.
Minutes later, McCambridge walks out to thunderous applause. He summons Cee Cee to the stage, instructs him to close his eyes, and counts down from ten to one. Cee Cee is hypnotized. McCambridge has him do the usual stunts – shake his arms, scratch his nose, hop around on one leg. Then he says, “After I tell you to open your eyes, you will run toward the short man in the front row with the thinning hair, glasses and worried expression, and you will get on your knees and beg him – do you hear me? – beg him to let you become a New York Yankee.”
And so it was done. Cee Cee will don the pinstripes and start on Opening Day. As for Gerry McCambridge, he is now on the Yankees’ payroll.

20 Comments

“After I tell you to open your eyes, you will run toward the short man in the front row with the thinning hair, glasses and worried expression..”

Let’s hope for Brian’s sake CC has good brakes.

Mark/Baseball Hot Corner

CC-Fan

I need that guy to hypnotize me into thinking Nick Swisher is Mark Teixiera.

Did McCambridge change his name from McNamee?

el duque

Uh-oh. You’re right, Mark. Cashman could be a pancake right now.

McCambridge is supposed to be good, Duque, but I don’t think Uri Geller and David Copperfield combined could hypnotize you into thinking Swisher is Teixeira.

Maybe Cashman could take CC to see Celine Dion. The agony will be too much to bear! CC will sign in the first few minutes of the show just to get out of there. Then he’ll want to pulverize anything Canadian. Not good for the rival Jays, but would be an effective strategy for the Yanks.
Jeremy
http://homerfoodandhistory.mlblogs.com/

The problem with that, Jeremy, is that Bette Midler has taken over for Celine Dion at Caesar’s Palace. Good idea though. Celine would have driven CC mad for sure.

Oh, that is a good thing. I’m not really one to follow Celine’s career. Just make him sit through ‘Titanic,’ and ‘Beaches’ combined. He will be an emotional wreck, and Cashman will take advantage of him in the moment. I mean by getting him to sign with the team. lol.

Hey, I loved “Beaches!” It’s one of the greatest sob fests ever.

Maybe Cashman should have C.C. watch Sleepless in Seattle a few times. That’s another tear-jerker and he might sign while wiping his eyes. I hope there is some resolution this week – but I’m not holding my breath!

Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

Speaking of “Sleepless in Seattle,” Julia, where are all the good chick flicks these days? I’ve been seeing lots of the Oscar candidates and they’re very SERIOUS. Will do my “reviews” of them later today.

*Alternate ending to the above post, if I may be so bold*
After knocking Cashman unconscious with one, well-placed peck, Cee Cee was last seen flapping his arms and clucking like a chicken; after wandering along the strip for half an hour, he ambled into the Hard Rock, where he pecked at several waitresses.
Desperately seeking chicken feed and a nice hen; he then found his way into the high roller’s room—-remarkably unobtrusively for a 6’7″ 300 pounder—-where he ran over Donald Trump, knocking his awful and carefully constructed hair asunder; butted Mike Tyson, who whimpered until he was dragged away for medical treatment; and evacuated all over Frank Sinatra Jr.
It took ten security guards to subdue the enraged, clucking Cee Cee and he was dragged to the nearest holding pen, where the staff, unaware of Cashman’s shenanigans, automatically assumed Cee Cee was drunk or drugged rather than hypnotized. Officials are awaiting the arrival of their on-staff psychiatrist to evaluate the big lefty who now thinks he’s a chicken. All free agent negotiations are on hold.
http://paullebowitz.mlblogs.com/

Jane,

Maybe CC is waiting for “Elvis” to return before he signs with the Yankees ??? ……… It’s amazing, with the top executives of the “Big Three” auto makers — flying, driving, walking, or, taking whatever transportation they think will look good to the taxpaying public — going to Washington, D.C., to beg for “Billions of Dollars”, it seems, the Yankees can’t give their money away to CC !!! … Hey, it might be more simple then everybody thinks — Maybe, CC just doesn’t need the money ??? … Jimmy [27NYY]

http://baseballtheyankeesandlife.mlblogs.com/

i’m guessing CC’s strategy is to wait on the offers from California teams most notably Anaheim. if he doesn’t get those offers or if those offers aren’t even close to that of the Yankees, THEN he’ll go with the pinstripes.. if Teixeira somehow doesn’t re-sign with Anaheim and CC goes to the Angels, then hopefully the Yankees can go fullbore with Teixeira (and maybe even offer Burnett the five guaranteed years he wants)

Paul, your “alternate ending” is wildly imaginative and scores points for referencing Vegas icons. I have only one question: Have YOU been hypnotized?

Jimmy, you shame me. Of course I should have featured Elvis in my scenario – or at least an Elvis impersonator. My bad.

Yes, levelboss. Cee Cee is probably putting us on hold until he hears from California teams. The nerve of him. Do you think he forgot that he played in Cleveland and Milwaukee? They’re not in California the last time I checked a map!

That’s amazing! Definitely one of your best. WOW. I think the hypnosis thing is brilliant. I think I should use it on the Padres’ front office…
http://kaybee.mlblogs.com

Wishful thinking, eh Jane? Haha.
Let’s hope that’s ALL Cashman is willing to do to get him to sign. “NO MEANS NO, CC!”

From everything I hear, CC’s not all about the money, which you have to respect. I think he wants to be out west and stay in the NL where he can bat. Maybe Cash should propose the idea to Hank that they move the Yanks to Santa Barbra, then CC’s a lock.

Can’t wait for the book!

http://thegoodofthegame.mlblogs.com

I’d definitely think about using hypnosis on your front office, Kaybee. We can’t always leave it to them to know what to do, can we?

Wishful thinking is right, Scott. I will respect CC if he truly wants to play in California for a NL team. I won’t understand it, because ballplayers are gone from February to September/October, no matter where they live, but to each his own. In Santa Barbara we have an Independent League team called the Foresters. Some players have gone on to have major league careers, and it’s exciting to see them succeed. I’m having a book launch party here in late Feb and we’re hoping some of the Foresters, as well as their coach, will attend. Same with the UCSB Gauchos.

I’m not hypnotized; just deranged.
I forgot to mention what Cee Cee did to an Elvis impersonator and Verne Troyer. Maybe next time.
http://paullebowitz.mlblogs.com/

I’d have to give Cashman credit for hanging in there. I might have been able to stay with CC through the Blue Man Show, but once he suggested the Osmonds or Barry Manilow I would have told him to sign with the Dodgers. Even Whitey Ford wouldn’t have been worth that torture.

Jane…
Good stuff. You never cease to amuse me! (amaze is a little over the top🙂

http://thehappyyoungster.mlblogs.com/

You’re not deranged, Paul. O.K. Maybe just a little. And only in a good way.

Well, pinstripe, you’ve just nailed the theme of my post: How far should a GM go to convince a free agent to sign with his team? I would have balked at the Osmonds.

Thanks, Happy. Amuse. Amaze. As long as I don’t bore anybody!

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